splitbeak (splitbeak) wrote,

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Religious Humor, or Burn 'Em At the Stake

I feel the need to post this because
1. I'm cleaning out my room and need to get rid of yet another piece of paper.
2. I haven't pissed anybody off today (YET).
Well actually, I've gotten my mother, but that's too easy.

I got this from coolsig.com years ago, so I don't even know if the site still exists.

I was burned at the stake as a heretic in my previous life.

To You I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the Loyal Oppositition.

"Preach the Gospel at all times. If necessary, use words." --St. Francis of Assissi

Atheist achieving orgasm: "Oh, Random! Oh, Chance!"

"Man is certainly stark mad: He cannot make a flea, yet he makes gods by the dozens." --Montaigne

In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, "Let there be light." And there was still nothing, but you could see it a bit better.

God: Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth.
Angel: What are you going to do now?
God: I think I'll call it a day.

If we're born again, does that mean we get two belly buttons?

A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend.

Sign on Church: "We aren't Dairy Queen, but we have some great Sundays!"

On a Church Sign in Dallas: "For those of you who have children and don't know about it, we have a nursery downstairs."

Jesus loves you. Then again, so does Barney.

If you freeze to death adn end up in Hell... wouldn't you be really comfortable some point along the way?

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic...

"I don't quesiton YOUR existance." --God

Jesus saves... Passes to Moses. Shoots... He scores!

There is no room for God in my world. Probably why he has a nice place of his own.

"Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?" --Jules Feiffer

Religion is for those who fear Hell. Spirituallity is for those who have been there.

Televangelists: Pro-Wrestlers for Religion.

Make God laugh - Plan for the Future.

On an Atheists's Tombstone: "Here lies an atheist; all dressed up and no place to go."

I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.

In the name of the Old Man, The Kid, and the Spook, Amen.

Where will you spend eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?

Sorry I missed church, I've been busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

I considered Atheism but there weren't enough holidays.

There was once a time where everyone feared God and the Church reigned supreme... it was called the Dark Ages.

If money is the root of all evil, why do churches want it so badly?

Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you monks ever thing about?

A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.

To YOU I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Sometimes we turn to God when our foundations are shaking, only to find out it is God who is shaking them.

Tags: laughs, pic, religion
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